So let me just premise this post by saying I am not a psychologist, this post is simply my view and experience of the world before, during and after the covid 19 pandemic. I am in no way saying this is how anyone else feels and I do not mean to cause anyone any offense. Please also note this post is meant as a metaphor, and I am not making any judgements about the physical strength of introverts or extroverts.
Social Behaviour as a bag of sand
Imagine a world where as soon as you start to walk and talk you are given a bag of sand. You are told by your parents that you MUST carry this bag of sand with you always, it is your social responsibility, your bag of social behaviour, social expectations. This message is enforced by everyone you ever meet; from teachers in school, adverts you see on TV and by your government.
When you start school you are given a bigger bag of sand to carry, right on your first day. As you go through school you watch how others cope with carrying their bags of sand. The majority of kids at school seem to enjoy carrying it. It makes them feel powerful and confident, the more sand they add to their bags the more powerful and confident they feel. The bag of sand seems to be part of them, like an arm or a leg, some don't even seem to notice they are carrying it.
However, you feel out of place. Always aware of the big bag of sand weighing you down like a burden on your shoulders. You dream of being like the other kids, wishing you were different but you just cant seem to get a good enough hold on the bag for it to feel comfortable or natural, the way it seems for everyone else. The confident kids seem to notice and target those who struggle to hold their bags or those who have small bags of sand, perhaps they see them as weak, unable to hold the bag of sand up high and fill it to the brim. The easy option is to pretend to be like everyone else, act as they do even though it leaves you feeling drained and exhausted. Sometimes those of us who struggle band together, unite to carry the burden together.
As you enter adulthood you are more used to the bag, although still a burden you have managed to get the weight to an almost comfortable level. Still it seems like everyone is always offering you more sand for your bag, every night after work, every Christmas or Birthday. It feels rude to always decline so you take on more sand to keep others happy, to try and blend in, be like everyone else. You are confused by everyone in the world, choosing to carry bigger and bigger bags of sand. It just seems to make them stronger, while you simply feel buried under the pressure.
You start to really think there is something wrong with you, why are you so weak? why is no one else struggling? Is it going to be like this forever? Always pretending, just to have a place in the world.
The New World
The government announces everyone must put down their bags of sand and tells us that we don't know how long it will be until you can pick them up again.
You put down your bag and its like fireworks go off. You suddenly feel unburdened, full of energy, full of life. Is this how everyone else felt while carrying the bag of sand? Finally I feel confident, finally I feel powerful, finally I belong!!
This new rule goes on for many months, spanning into years. You hear stories of people struggling in the new world just as you struggled in the old one. They seem unable to survive without the bag of sand, they feel lost, broken. Some, you hear, even break the rules. They carry their bags of sand, they just cannot help themselves. You feel compassion for these people as you know what it feels like to struggle to do what the world asks of you, but you also feel a little baffled. How can people not see this way of life is better?
Slowly as time goes on, your confidence grows. You feel happy and content, secretly pleased that everyone now has to live in a world designed for you and people like you.
Back to the Old World
As always, all good things must come to an end. Eventually the government starts to tell people they must pick up their bags of sand again. It is what is best for everyone, they tell you.
Those who struggled in the new world seem to have the same experience you did, they go from feeling weak and powerless to once again feeling powerful and confident, however they don't seem to have the compassion you felt for them. They simply do not see that some of us do not enjoy constantly carrying the bag of sand, some of us would rather just put it down and never pick it up again. Some people are even insulted or angered by the thought of you not wanting to carry the sand, thinking you lazy or broken in some way. You now know the bag of sand has no benefits for you, it is simply a burden you are forced to carry so others can feel powerful while they carry theirs.
So you do as you are told, you pick up your bag of sand. But now you know what life is like without the bag of sand, it seems so much heavier. You empty out as much sand as you can and carry it when you have to but, without guilt, you put it down when it gets too heavy. Some people judge you for putting down your bag but now it doesn't bother you when people point, stare and whisper, it doesnt make you feel weak. You know those people just don't understand the need to put the bag down. You feel proud to know that you survived in their world for decades but they cannot survive in yours for even a short time.
You finally learn that the bag of sand is a lie, its not what is best for everyone and you are hurting only yourself by forcing yourself to carry it. You have confidence of self and compassion for others, which makes you a fuller, more rounded person than carrying a bag of sand not designed for you ever could.
